for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
