I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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