I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
