carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
