She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
