there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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