Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
