Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
