After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
