It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
