My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
