My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize