Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
