My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
