fuck your aforementioned shoe
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
