Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
