can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
