The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
