lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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