We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
