I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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