After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
