He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I want a musical about memes.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
