why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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