i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
