we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
