My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
