Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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