i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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