she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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