Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
