I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
