Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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