i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
