I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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