new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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