i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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