Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
