i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
