I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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