just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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