Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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