There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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