The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
