well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
