Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
