he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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