Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
