The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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