Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
