I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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