I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
