dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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