repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
