Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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