return my video game
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
