Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
