haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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