I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
