420 ftw
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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