I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
