alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
