someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
