I skipped work to stalk him.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
