i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
