you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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