you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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