jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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