Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
