Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize