Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
