It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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