how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
