can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think my fart just growled at me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
