I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize