My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
