Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
