he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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