Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
