Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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