"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
