Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh god the rape fog is back!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
