Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
