She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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