There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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