Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
